


Dead Poets

by OctoberSpirit



Series: Movie Night [1]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Best Friends, Boyfriends, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humor, M/M, Movie Night, either way, implied violence against inanimate objects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-02
Updated: 2008-12-02
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4239732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctoberSpirit/pseuds/OctoberSpirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>House's pick for movie night leaves Wilson feeling antsy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Poets

"Hey, are we still on for…House?"

"Huh?"

"…Dare I ask what you're doing?"

"Obviously, Wilson, I am _Wikipediaing_. Which you would know if you weren't a cultural recluse."

"I am not a cultural recluse. Is that even a real word?"

"Is now."

"I thought you had a patient."

"Yeah, well, I'm on my lunch."

"It's four-thirty in the afternoon. And I already bought you lunch."

"My other lunch."

"House…"

"Quit lecturing; it's for your benefit, too. I'm trying to hunt down a movie to rent tonight."

"Oh. …Finding anything interesting?"

"Nope. Well, sort of. How do you feel about a pirated version of that new vampire movie?"

"The one blatantly aimed at thirteen-year-old girls?"

"That's the one."

"No. Pirating's illegal."

"Wuss. I don't suppose you have any brilliant ideas?"

"You're the one with the Wikipedia."

"Random it is, then. And I don't wanna hear any complaints."

"Who's complaining?"

"Exactly."

"Just don't pick anything—"

"Nope, sorry. Had your chance. Get out of my office before you ruin the surprise."

"I'm just saying—"

"Out! See you at six. I need a ride home."

"Wait, what about your bike?"

"It's _snowing,_ Wilson. Have you even looked out a window today?"

"…Six it is."

-

"Food's here."

"How do you know? Maybe I just have visitors."

"Hah! Since when do you get visitors?"

"Visitors, hookers…tomato, tomahto."

"Right, of course. Where'd I put my wallet? Unless you want to…"

"Hi, Greg House. And you are?"

"I can dream, can't I?"

"Would you _shut up?_ Knocking my door down won't get you paid."

"House!"

"What? He's gonna break it."

"Hi, sorry about that. Here, just…no, I got it. Thanks very much. No, you can keep the change. Have a good night."

"So help me if I find marks on my door!"

"House!"

"Wilson."

"…Just eat your damn food."

"Love you too, dear."

-

"…Shit. Really?"

"That was an ugly tie anyway."

"My mother gave me this tie."

"Your mother has better taste. Movie?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Quit worrying about it. You have about a billion, anyway."

"So, uh. What movie did you finally decide on?"

"Well, I spent like two hours fishing through Wikipedia before I decided that everything made in the last ten years is boring."

"Something older, then."

"Eighty-nine."

"…Care to clarify?"

"Nope."

"Any particular reason?"

"I like the way you get all squinty when I annoy you."

"I am _not_ squinty."

"It's sexy. Don't look at the menu; that's cheating."

"…House, what are we watching?"

"A _movie._ It's _movie night._ "

"I feel kind of…strange."

"Delivery boy slip a roofie in your lo mein?"

"No, I mean…do you feel like maybe…like, reality as we know it is…imploding, or something?"

"Well, what are you on? And can I get some?"

"Seriously. I'm being serious. I feel like there's some kind of sci-fi thing going on here. Like reality is being torn apart by forces greater than you or I."

"No such thing. Together, we are the masters of the universe."

"House, turn off the movie."

"Why?"

"Just…do it."

"Here, Wilson, drink up. You need it."

"No thanks."

"What are you doing with that?"

"I'm borrowing it."

"Last I checked, I was the cripple, here."

"I'm _borrowing it._ Shut up."

"Okay, look, if it means that much to you, I'll just turn it—"

"AHHH! TAKE _THAT,_ YOU EVIL, REALITY-SHREDDING BASTARD!"

" _Christ,_ Wilson!"

-

"…Here's your cane back."

"…Yeah."

"…Nice grip on it. Sturdy. Guess it'd have to be, to support your giant ego."

"Wilson?"

"Yeah, House?"

"You just killed my DVD player."

"Yes, House. Yes I did."

"…Reason?"

"I told you to turn the movie off."

"Because…"

"It was going to destroy reality as we know it. It cannot exist in this dimension; the consequences would be dire."

"…Ah."

"Yep."

"Well…far be it from me to doubt your judgment."

"Don't look at me like that. I know what I felt. I just know it; that movie was out for blood."

"No, I believe you. Really. It's dead now, Wilson; it can't hurt you anymore."

"I wasn't going to…"

"Attack another of my expensive electronics? Maybe the piano? The refrigerator's been making a lot of suspicious calls lately; could be up to something."

"No, it was…just the movie. I'm done now."

"Well, if you change your mind…"

"I'll let you know."

"Good."

"Great."

"…So…TiVo?"

"God, yes."

-

"Wilson?"

"Hm?"

"You'll have to explain this to Cuddy tomorrow."

"What? Why would she care?"

"It was her DVD."

"…Cuddy's?"

"Yeah."

"So, uh. She's watched it."

"I'd assume, but you know what they say about… Wilson?"

"I'm…just going to borrow this for another minute or so."

"Wilson, where are you going?"

"It's for the greater good, House. You understand."

"Wilson."

"Be back soon."

_"James."_

"I'm saving the very fabric of reality. Just let me do what needs to be done."

"…Be home by three or I'm locking you out."

"See you, House."

"Carpe diem, Wilson."

**Author's Note:**

> Backdated and reposted from fanfiction.net (and livejournal).
> 
> Oh my god, this feels so dated. I sorta miss the old hilson lj community, but AO3 is so much easier to keep organized.
> 
> Hurr hurr, RSL is in Dead Poets Society; the universe will inevitably collapse under the weight of House's first "oh captain my captain" joke at Wilson's expense.


End file.
